GOING TO SLEEP

It's closing time, and two drunks are getting ready to leave the bar. "God, I hate getting home at this hour. All I want to do is take my shoes off and crawl into bed, but Hailey always nags me for what seems like hours".
"Sneaking's not the way to do it. Try slamming the front door, stomping upstrais, and yelling 'Hey baby, let's fuck'. When I do that, my wife always pretends she's sound asleep".